- Both parties agree to rear children based on the timeless writings of whatever cult is fashionable at the time.
- In the event of an fractious dispute between the two parties, Rosie O'Donnell gets the tiebreaking vote.
- Both parties will make an effort to feign enthusiasm for the other's interests, whether that be conical bras and Jean-Paul Gaultier or Watney's Pale Ale and heterosexual sex.
- Both parties agree not to laugh when anyone suggests a film festival of the other's work.
- Infants must be changed a minimum of six times daily, ten times if they're onstage.
- Both parties agree to awaken each other with hugs and hearty greetings rather than cries of "Oh, God!" or "Sweetheart, remind who you are again."
- In public, both parties will speak as if they're British. At home, they're lusty gay Irishmen.
- When lost in a tsunami of existential despair, both parties will stop and ask themselves: What would Brad and Angelina do?
- Neither party will lift the other off the ground and say, "You're a cute li'l thing, aincha? 'Ow'd you like to feel me rough workman's hands against yer pretty white skin?" because that always gets Guy mad.
(Via Queerty)
