RomanHans is nothing if not a guy who seizes opportunity. For instance, sometimes I'll see a dude who's so good looking I've got to say something just in the distant hope sparks will fly. As a public service, though, I figured I'd pass along a few opening lines I've tried that didn't exactly ignite a hot conversation.

I don't recall ever seeing a tuna sandwich that looked so doggone awesome.

I was just thinking that if I was homeless and somebody gave me a dollar I'd want to pay them back in some way.

Sigh; and to think I'd finally get my massage certification if I just found one more volunteer.

I don't know why, but I've always had a Larry Craig kind of stance.

I've always said that wrinkles are really happy memories pulling your skin toward the ground.

Last night there were naked dudes fucking in all these bushes and nobody even gave a second glance.

That pendant is just so awesome, and -- wow -- your chest is sooo smooth.

It has been four years since my last confession, but I wouldn't have waited nearly as long if I'd known there were priests as hot as you.

Your virile jawline is more interesting than any old movie.

After you guys are done fighting the fire, do you need somebody to wash your smoky clothes?

Wow, officer: the blue of your uniform exactly matches the color of my balls.

The Ten Stupidest Things People Said to the Crew of Flight 1549

-- I saw The Cable Guy on an airplane a few years ago, and I'm thinking you people got the better deal.

-- Were you, like, serving goose on the plane, and maybe that flock threw themselves at you because they were mad?

-- I'd like to thank all you flight attendants on America's behalf: namely, Donna Dent, age 51; Sheila Dail, age 57; and Doreen Welsh, age 58.

-- I'm a reporter for Channel 7. If people have nine lives like cats, how many have you used up and how?

-- I was a passenger in first class. Does this mean my massage is off?

-- So, are there like five thousand tiny bottles of alcohol at the bottom of the Hudson today?

-- Did you actually see the giant hand of God close around the plane and lower you to safety?

-- I swear, the next time I take a plane flight, I'm going to listen to all the bullshit you stewardesses say.

-- As a tribute to the bravery of the Flight 1549 crew I stomped eight geese today.

-- Captain, my name's RomanHans. I'd really like to shake your hand . . . or any other body part you want.

President Bush decided to close out his second term with an unusual display of honesty: the belated acknowledgement that yes, he'd made a few mistakes. While left-wing liberals may be disappointed that there weren't any major disclosures, some of the revelations gave us amateur historians a deeper insight into the man's character.

-- Wore Oil of Olay throughout 2008 thinking it'd turn him into a matador.

-- A rider he attached to a bill outlawing gay marriage also made it a felony to own a Cockapoo.

-- In the fall of 2006, he asked Blair Underwood for the hand of his daughter Carrie.

-- Authorized the funding of a three-billion dollar supercollider thinking it was some kind of cocktail.

-- Once went to a hardware store to buy a bottle of Liquid Electrician.

-- Still thinks Seabiscuit is a vegetarian snack.

-- Throughout the whole of his first term, he thought WMDs were his doctors.

-- When a reporter asked how it felt to be the worst president in history, he replied, "But I did pretty good in English, right?"

-- Once bought a frappuccino thinking it was an Italian monkey.

-- Had to destroy two million copies of the New York Times after a reporter asked what kind of underwear he wore and he answered, "Depends."